I need your opinion.

I don’t like my boyfriend going out on his own. 

That’s it.

He’s, obviously, the type of person that likes going to the pub/club to have a few drinks. He goes out, after work (which is usually 12am and later), to supposedly have a few beer, and cause he lives in the central business district, where all the known pubs and clubs are. And it’s only a 5 minute walk to the main street. He does this, usually, just by himself.

I tried to be cool about it, because ever since I promised myself I’m not going to be one of those girlfriends that are crazy and overcontrolling and shit. But as we go further along our relationship, it’s getting worse. For instance, last night. I was at his place, specifically because he asked me to stay just so we could hang. That day, I woke up at like 7:30 (which was crazy early for me considering, I ALWAYS wake up around 10-11. Just imagine) for a job interview. And then, around like 2 pm, I went to uni to do some work. Cause he has to leave for his work, anyway. He works from 3 until 10:30/11 pm. So.. anyway.. I got back to his place from uni at around 7 pm. And then I waited for him to come home just so we could have dinner together and cause I can’t sleep alone. He got home around 11:20. We had dinner, chilled out, and then went back to the room after a while. He hopped into the shower, shortly after. I was just in bed waiting for him. But I fell asleep because I was so tired. And i don’t even remember him walking out of the shower. But apparently, I was awake the whole time, and when he finished shower, hopped onto the bed to cuddle, me — I apparently pushed him away. He, allegedly, try to cuddle me a few times but I kept pushing him away. All of these I don’t remember happening because I know for sure I drifted off to sleep. And my memory is extremely good with these things. Seriously. Anyway… at around 1:40, I woke up to chuck a piss. He wasn’t there. I went to the lounge room and the smoke room, but he wasn’t there. Then I found a note on the kitchen that reads “went out for a beer. be back in half an hour”. I was so mad. I was hurt. I felt like I was unwanted. My first instinct was to book a cab and leave, but I didn’t have the money at that time to pay for the cab. I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn’t. So I started packing my things up. And then, I wrote a note to him saying that I hope he had a good time. But I thought it was unfair for him to ask me to stay just so he could leave me in the middle of the night. I also wrote that I’ll be out first thing in the morning. A little over an hour passed, and he’s back. He cuddled me and said hi, but I was so mad so I didn’t move or said anything. And then he started going off telling me how cold I am. And then I’m like.. “Are you seriously expecting me to be joyful and sweet and all that crap when you left me here? I mean… you’d rather fucking go out and get drunk out there than to be here with me. And considering, my staying here is your idea anyway”.. and then he went on about that cuddling-pushing away scenario. So I was like “I wasn’t fucking awake! I can’t even remember you hopping out of the shower.” But he insisted that i was awake because I apparently, I was looking at him that time. So I said “if I was awake, do you think I’d let you go out?” And then he just went on about how it’s my fault for being so cold towards him, and that I shouldn’t have expected him to stay beside me in bed when all I do is push him away. 

Like. What the fuck. How fucking stupid. 

But this morning, we were fine for a bit. But we got into a little argument while doing food shopping, and he ended up yelling at me, and telling me to go home. And I’m like “Wow fuck. You’ve said that so many times now, and it’s seriously getting so old. and you know what? you won’t have to say that next time, cause I wouldn’t even be here!!!” So, I rushed back to his place, left him at the supermarket, and got all my shit. He was back even before I could leave. So, after like 5 minutes, I was walking towards the door, and said “Bye!”. He followed me to the elevator and said “Lol, wow, so you’re leaving?” And I’m like “This is what you told me to do, wasn’t it?” Then he said “You’re a smart ass. Whatever”. Then he banged the door and locked it. So… I just went home.

And then earlier tonight, I messaged him and told him that I’m going to be in the cinemas tomorrow, and if he wants to come, he can meet me there. because we’ve planned this like days ago. And then I asked him if he’s going out tonight. And guess what? “HE MIGHT HAVE A FEW FUCKING BEERS”. It was too much shit for me so I told him straight up that I am not comfortable with him going out. Especially not tonight because then he’d be tired tomorrow when he’s hangin out with me, and it would be a shit time. But then he’s just like “Oh, I acknowledge your opinion but I’M STILL HAVING MY BEER….. oh and btw, I was kinda hoping that you’d come back here”.. and i said “Lol. knew it was a complete waste of time telling you what I think because.. you know.. it goes straight to the bin anyway”

Then.. he didn’t reply. Which means he’s gone out already. Lol.

I’m seriously so sick of this relationship. It’s 90% fights and heartache and arguments and 10% cute shit. I’m not even just saying this because I’m mad. it’s seriously like this. Because he’s never wrong. 

But I’m too weak to end it. Because I love him.

I just want him to stop doing this shit because he knows for a fact that it is stressing me out.

Am I being an unreasonable, unfair, controlling bitch? Do I deserve this?

What should I do? :(

1 note
  1. louiseinwonderland posted this